At 30 I was someone who “had it all”, even though “having” was never my goal. I had followed my desire to a successful television career, marriage, a nice house, cars, boats, etc. Yet, something was missing. My soul said, “Is this it?” I decided I wanted to be a healing presence in my community and help others. So, I left it all when a bodily intuition brought me to Italy where my soul said, “I’ll keep coming back here over and over and grow as a woman.”
I looked down from my balcony and saw a man painting the scene in front of me. I needed that painting to mark the occasion. And I did indeed keep coming back because I married that handsome Italian painter. I lived those highs - creativity, sensuality, adventure…and then lows. The healer’s journey carried me through the forgotten painful memories of my childhood. I tried to help my husband heal his painful wounds that were wounding me. Until I was lost and alone. I lost my Self and my sense of Home. So at 40 I escaped to India and gave my all to those less fortunate. I started a nonprofit to serve women and children. Yet, I was also searching to find an identity.
I discovered that I could never help someone else unless they wanted to be helped, especially those closest to me. That when I tried, it only created strife. Worse than that, by “helping” others I neglected myself. I abandoned me. I also discovered that all of my focus on others was a way to avoid being connected to myself. That facing myself means feeling pain and fear, anger and desire; in order to also feel joy, freedom and creativity. I discovered that life is better when I love myself exactly as I am.
So I got creative again. I spent lots of time sitting with myself and saying, “You have my undivided and complete attention.” I let myself feel whatever I felt. I found ways to give myself radical self-love. I prayed for guidance and got still and listened to my inner voice. I did all I could to grow closer to Spirit and to forgive all.
I found Equus coaching and horses that gave me the safety and acceptance to feel, play and be myself. I surrounded myself with “a herd” of women who “had my back” and learned to be transparent, authentic and open. I reclaimed my feminine self and allowed her to rise in all her beauty.
Now in my 50s I’m continuing the journey of self-love and self-discovery. It is a balancing act. Which means that sometimes I get focused on pleasing others and wanting their approval and acceptance, trying to “help” them. I then take the time to come back home to myself. I take the time to become intimate and loving and interested in who I am. I do something creative. I give myself the love I was hoping for in those I tried to “fix”. I create the full life and find the fulfillment I hoped they could provide. Now I find it in fulfilling my calling, living creatively and being so full and centered in my own life that love overflows to others. Now this is how I heal and help - Coming Home to Myself...circling in to fill up and then circling back out to Love.
Certifications and Trainings
Spiritual Guidance and Mediumship
Energy Healing and Medical Intuition
Jin Shin Jyutsu
Trauma Informed Somatic Experiencing Healing
Sounds True Trauma Healing
RYT 200 Yoga Alliance
Equine Assisted Life Coaching
Equus Life Coach Koelle Institute
Fundamentals Natural Lifemanship
Creativity & Photography/Videography
Savannah College of Art & Design
University of North Florida
Rocky Mountain School of Photography
ACE Personal Trainer